When I made the decision to finally start blogging, I also made the promise to myself that I would try to portray the lighter side of things. You read so many heart wrenching stories when it comes to autistic children, I wanted to focus on the upside as much as possible. I know we are one of the very lucky ones. The Dancing Queen these days is a beautiful, happy child with this most amazing ability to reach other people. And on the whole, the good days thse days by far outweigh the bad days by factors. This is in stark contrast to those early dark days when the good days were very few and far between and the days seemed to merely alternate between bad days and pure hell days. Yet while the memories of those days are rapidly fading, I don't want to forget them altogether as they are also a wonderful reminder of how far we have come.
But at the same time, these days pose additional challenges where I am still very much at the bottom of the learning curve and some days I feel like am still floundering badly. The Dancing Queen has been transformed from almost a non verbal child with a highly severe speech language impairment to one that does not stop talking, which of course is a sheer delight (most of the time). However with the new ability to communicate has also come the ability to express her deepest thoughts and that is where I am starting to come unstuck again. How much credence do you give to a switched on nearly 8 year old? In so many ways she is wise beyond her years and you have the feeling that she has in fact been here before and actually knows far more than you do. Yet in other ways she is still very much younger than her years. Give her half a chance and she will still more than happily watch Maisy or Sesame Street, and cry if she does not get to see Iggle Piggle go to bed on The Night Garden. So what do you say when she starts to sob about "how her brain does not work right"? and that "she is no good because she is different"???. Even at age 7 3/4, all the usual parental reassurances in the world are no longer sufficient. I guess what I now need to figure out is when is the right time to start explaining autism, though given her ability to ask profound questions I think I had better go and read up some more about it first!
I have no idea where to start about explaining to my son he has autism. He is 11 and has huge aspirations about being a racing car driver, a fireman, and even a master ninja warrior, amongst many other great things. Like you, soon the question may arise and I think I will be unprepared for them. I am bracing myself really.
ReplyDeleteLadies- see Karla's ASD Page on Facebook - recent diagram of "Acceptance Path" and the bottom few comments of 28 comments for an answer to your questions about how to tell your child.
ReplyDeleteMomentsand meltdowns - google Rarer In Girls blog to meet a lady whose daughter is 8 years old too.
Good luck and best wishes.
Ann G
Thanks for that Ann - will check out the suggestions. Much appreciated
DeleteThe Karlas ASD page looks good and very comprehensive, thank you for the link.
ReplyDeleteHey Belinda, I thought it looked pretty good too. Will have to check out the more detailed stuff sometime soonish :)
ReplyDeleteHi Arna,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to weigh in - I spent my whole childhood completely tearful and miserable because my brain didn't work right, but there was no word for it, and my mother refused to acknowledge the diagnosis. When I finally learned what Autism was when I got to college, it came as intense relief - suddenly, everything about my world made sense. My brain wasn't broken, it was just different from most other people's, and there's a whole bunch of other people out there whose brains work like mine! Things are different now. There are a HUGE number of books that around to help kids understand their autistic brains and be more self-aware. Your daughter sounds like a wonderfully intelligent, observant child. She obviously is aware of her differences. Teaching her that this difference isn't wrong and bad, but part of what makes her a special individual person, will do wonders for self-esteem. One of my favorite books for this is called "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome", though there are really are more titles than I've ever had the chance to look at, all with different, age-appropriate explanations of autism and how they affect people. Sometimes all it takes is the realization that no, you're not broken, there are others like you, and you're pretty awesome. :)
--E