Follow the yellow brick road

Today is the book week parade at school, and the Dancing Queen has (nervously) skipped out the door with her new sparkly red shoes as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. We thought the choice of character appropriate on a number of different levels, not least of which is the fact that she has watched the movie at least a dozen times over the past week - which makes a nice change from Care Bears for starters. 

The other obvious point is the fact that Dorothy has all sorts of adventures in a magical land where she befriends various people/creatures along the way. For a child that has created an alternative reality (in a world we cannot reach) where she takes care of her 'shadow' family, again it seemed fitting.

The need for Dorothy to follow the Yellow Brick Road also managed to bring back memories which now bring a wry smile to my face.  At one point in time, one of the most challenging outings we could undertake (and only undertaken if absolutely necessary) was to a nearby shopping centre where the connecting pathways between the shops were tiled with geometric pavers in various colours/patterns.  The Dancing Queen would only walk on certain colours and if anyone had the audacity to get in the way of her walking in a completely straight line along one particular colour, then we had a problem.  Sometimes it would take us 20 to 30 minutes to walk to our destination at the other end of the mall and more often than not by the time we got there we were in meltdown mode. The other reason why this particular destination was so nightmarish from our point of view was that it had way too many exit points.  Meltdowns would often be followed by the dire need to escape, with the Dancing Queen attempting to make a mad dash out of the first available portal.  In most other shopping centres I had learnt to make it to 5 minutes before panicking wildly.  But with this one, the panic set in almost instantaneously.  We now live in a place with very few shopping malls.

Today however I told her that if she gets nervous, she could always click her red sparkle shoes and say "there is no place like home" and just imagine she is back somewhere safe.

But I am different.....

When I made the decision to finally start blogging, I also made the promise to myself that I would try to portray the lighter side of things.  You read so many heart wrenching stories when it comes to autistic children, I wanted to focus on the upside as much as possible.  I know we are one of the very lucky ones.  The Dancing Queen these days is a beautiful, happy child with this most amazing ability to reach other people. And on the whole, the good days thse days by far outweigh the bad days by factors. This is in stark contrast to those early dark days when the good days were very few and far between and the days seemed to merely alternate between bad days and pure hell days. Yet while the memories of those days are rapidly fading, I don't want to forget them altogether as they are also a wonderful reminder of how far we have come.

But at the same time, these days pose additional challenges where I am still very much at the bottom of the learning curve and some days I feel like am still floundering badly.  The Dancing Queen has been transformed from almost a non verbal child with a highly severe speech language impairment to one that does not stop talking, which of course is a sheer delight (most of the time).  However with the new ability to communicate has also come the ability to express her deepest thoughts and that is where I am starting to come unstuck again.  How much credence do you give to a switched on nearly 8 year old?  In so many ways she is wise beyond her years and you have the feeling that she has in fact been here before and actually knows far more than you do.  Yet in other ways she is still very much younger than her years.  Give her half a chance and she will still more than happily watch Maisy or Sesame Street, and cry if she does not get to see Iggle Piggle go to bed on The Night Garden.  So what do you say when she starts to sob about "how her brain does not work right"? and that "she is no good because she is different"???.  Even at age 7 3/4, all the usual parental reassurances in the world are no longer sufficient. I guess what I now need to figure out is when is the right time to start explaining autism, though given her ability to ask profound questions I think I had better go and read up some more about it first!

Literally.......

One of the things that amuses me is how the Dancing Queen translates everything literally.  And I do mean literally.  Which means all sayings and colloquialisms have to be used with extreme caution, including those that involve missing body parts (such as lost heads or cats stealing tongues etc). I have had many an incident (usually when tired) where I have used a common expression without thinking only for both of us to end up completely confused (though often amused) as she has taken what I have said at complete face value.  As the Fat Controller from Thomas the Tank Engine likes to say "I have caused confusion and delay". 

However what is causing slightly less amusement at the moment are the current advertisements for various Disneyland resorts around the world which have the banner "where dreams come true".  Again this is being taken at complete face value and I am forever finding the Dancing Queen on the computer trying to book a holiday to one just so all her dreams can come true. (I have given up trying to explain the power of false advertising).  She can even tell me all the different room features of the associated hotels and which Disneyland parks offer what (along of course with the obligatory dream promise).  She certainly scores ten points for trying - we had a rough week last week so last night she gave me the ever so convincing sell job that I should book us a holiday to the one in Hong Hong as she calls it (Hong Kong for everyone else), so I could get my wish of a return trip home and she could get all her dreams fulfilled just in time for her 8th birthday which would just be the best birthday present ever (ie two dreams for the price of one).  Even the fact that the video clips on the website of some of her favourite characters for that particular Disneyland were in Cantonese were not sufficient to dissuade her - but then why should they?  She is the child that used to watch Maisy in Swedish and Madeline in Spanish for hours without complaining.  Maybe dreams in her world are bilingual?  Either way, she is very good at telling me each morning what her dreams/wish list is, just in case I fulfill her dreams and act on the Disneyland resort webpages she has so kindly bookmarked on my computer for me.