When I made the decision to start blogging about my youngest daughter, I
also made the decision to try and focus on the more light hearted side of
things. Having been a visitor to hell and back more times than I would
care to remember in those early dark days, I wanted to put that part behind us
and concentrate on how far the Dancing Queen has come. And I guess also
focus on how much she has taught me on the way.
However today I read the blog of a parent with a child with severe autism
who was essentially saying that he was fed up with people sending him feel good
stories about autism. It’s not often that I come out swinging on this
particular topic, but I must admit that the article rankled me.
Fairly early on along the parenthood route, I began to get a better
understanding of that huge divide between woman with children and woman without
which until then had seemed unfathomable. Then I worked out there were
equally significant chasms between working mothers and non working mothers, as
well as mothers of single children and those that had multiple. After
that I worked out the gap (possibly the greatest of them all) between mothers
with children that fall into society's "normal" parameters and those
that have children with special needs of whatever description.
What I would hate to think however, is that there also exists a vast
partition depending on where your child falls on the spectrum. I know
without any doubt that we are one of the lucky ones and for that I am eternally
grateful. I have a beautiful and very special daughter who will be one of
my greatest teachers. And yes sometimes when I read the really heart wrenching
stories, I feel guilty. The last thing I want to do is to rub it in
anyone's face. But at the same time, hope is our most valuable
commodity. We have come so far already, why can I not unashamedly believe
that hope and complete faith in my child will help her go even further?
As a parent of a mildly autistic child, I know I have limited
understanding of the heartache that parents raising children at the other
end of the spectrum are going through. But that's not to say that we are
not without any of that pain. I have a seven old that hates her brain because
she has already worked that it is different from her peers. I am lucky
that she is able to express her feelings but at the same time that in itself in
this context represents a significant challenge, and as a mother it is one that
pulls at every single heart string.
So for now I am going to continue to focus on the plus side of things to the
best of my abilities. And if I do offend or upset any parents out there, my
apologies in advance because it will never be my intent to. My hat is permanently
off to all parents raising any child of any description.
Well said! Difficult to clean the air if you constantly stir the dust / screaming and crying about a screaming or crying person just doesn't compute with me. Welcome to the lighter side of life!
ReplyDeleteI'm with old 'Yote ⇧ Also one of the reasons "labeling" gets so tricky is because there seems to be some unspoken "rule" about who "gets" to complain loudest, which is a bizarre statement about our culture in general but really sad when it's concerning our own children.
ReplyDeleteI have had people say to me upon meeting my daughter and once they see her trying to communicate, "Oh. I'm so sorry." I've also had people who have non-speaking children say to me, "If my child were able to speak as much as yours, I'd be over the moon!" Meanwhile my amazing and wonderfully idiosyncratic daughter is who she is and that's pretty f*cking fabulous.
People who are angry, negative, pessimistic and depressed were, most likely, that way BEFORE they ever had a child, but many don't seem able to own up to that. It's nice to meet you and find your blog! Keep writing! There are lots of us who feel grateful for our children, ALL our children (whatever they're specific neurology is) and feel fortunate to have them exactly as they are.
By the way, I've been so fortunate to have somehow missed that group of parents. I've heard about them, but as yet, have not had actual contact with any of them! Feeling really fortunate about that too! :)
Thank you. And I love your description of your daughter. To me, its their idosynracies that make them the special people that they are and I would not have my daughter any other way. Give me her and her "oddities" anyday of the week. My daughter has the personality and life force of at least 10 others combined and as far as I am concerned that's a fantastic thing.
DeleteI also love your observations about the unspoken rules as well as the general mindset of certain other parents. To the best of my abilities, I fully intend to remain eternally grateful for my daughter and for all the lessons we will gradually learn together as we slowly figure out the pieces of the puzzle.